Worth It

I am not an organized person. I organize my life enough to be able to live and hopefully not damage anyone else along the way. My job is to educate, mentor, and lead. I take it very seriously. I take a lot of pride in what I do. I try to make things fun but at the same time I know that there are somethings that must be done that are just not fun. Sorry about that. I did not make the rules. But even now, I find it hard to organize my thoughts.

Part of me not being overly organized has to do with the fact that my life is truly unpredictable. I realize that everyone else’s life is too. However, mine has a few key components that make the unpredictability slightly heightened.  One of them being that I live with a rare blood condition that makes life more difficult at times. One day I will give the full explanation but for now Google “PNH”. I’ll give you a second to read up and to get the basic idea.

Take your time.

So, now you have some understanding. That when my mommy told me I was one in a million, she did not realize how right she was. And also, no matter how hard I plan, my life is NEVER going to stick to what I have scheduled. From day to day my spoons can vary from 1 – 100 (Google “Spoon Theory” if you don’t understand the reference) And that’s okay. But it also means that I tend to like to be around and work with people that are more organized and on the ball than I am. I know my short comings. I also know they are not all my fault. But regardless, they are factors that I must deal with. The best way I have found to do so is to surround myself with those who are like me but understand, accept and are willing to work with me despite my incredible faults. (Those people also tend to have their life more together than I do. I am convinced they tolerate me because they will always look good by comparison. That or they feel sorry for me. Either way, they never boast and they hide the sympathy well.)

I am lucky. I have found a wonderful network of people that not only help fill my short comings but also love and support me. I try to surround myself with them. I find them in fellow teachers, students, directors, producers, in the parents of my students, nurses, doctors, and most importantly in my family. I am so grateful for all of these wonderful people. They help me feel less helpless. They help me realize that it is not all my fault and even in my faults I am still worth it.

 

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