I am brain dead.
I don’t want to write about work and right now it is consuming my mind, and I am pissed! I want to be more than my job. Because it’s not work. I do what I do because I am good at it. Not because I am passionate about it. Please do not get me wrong. I LOVE my students, even the ones who drive me crazy. They are all light to me in some way or another.
My passion is creating. Even if it is just creating words in a blog that very few people read. It is a way to express myself.
So right now, I am stuck.
Stuck somewhere between my job and my love. What is so unsettling is that my job, on paper, looks like it should be in sync with my passions. On paper I teach theatre and direct school productions. It’s not real. There is no creativity involved. With out going into to much detail, there is no support. I get to teach something that I am passionate about. There is nothing better than when I see the same passion in a kids eyes that I have. The desire to want to make something they are proud of, something they use to express themselves. Those are the moments I treasure. The best is when it comes from students that I never thought it would come from. That ranks right up their with choreographing, performing, but mostly directing. All I can do is provide the support to these students that is not given to me.
That is where I will leave you tonight. Tomorrow I will wake, trying to support an ensemble. I wish I felt like I was not alone.
I would like to give credit to one of my co-workers. There has never been a moment that I have not felt supported by them. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they are not trying to micromanage me. They are not trying to manage me at all. They understand that this is a collaborative art and that all of the artistic team must respect each persons position.
Thank you. Now we need to get everyone else on board.