I’m worried


Today is a treatment day. To say I look forward to this day is a flat lie! The nurses and staff are always so pleasant and it helps ease the pain, both mental and physical.

Something is off today. I am hoping it is the change in my medication. If not it could mean my platelets are low which means the newest form of treatment isn’t working. So, that’s where I am right now. Sitting in the waiting room, about to head back to get lab work done and a treatment that might not be working. Something is wrong though. Something is pulling me down so badly that I am in one of those “I can’t move but my mind won’t stop telling me that I am failing as a human for not moving” cycles. Today is a true test of forgiveness. I am trying.

Right now I am just worried. Worried my platelets are low. Worried my new medication is making me too tired to function. Worried that my new treatment is failing. I am trying to let go. At least I’m trying, right?

I will post an up date for those who want to know.

My platelets were ok. Not great, but above my parameters so no transfusion. However this morning I woke up with a bloody nose that didn’t stop for about 3 hours. I spent the a large part of my day hoping it would stop and lightheaded. Still unsure as to what is causing the fog of sleepiness. If I get an answer I will let you know. Thanks for the love and support.


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