Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to hide. Sometimes it is. After a long day of transfusions, treatments, premeds, x-rays, shots, and classes filled with enough teenage angst to send even the best councilors running, it is hard to not want to hide.
Please hear me say, it is not often the people that make places feel unsafe for me. For the most part, if I don’t feel good around you on a bad day, I’m not going to feel good around you on a good day either. Negativity is never welcome no matter how I am doing. Am I more tolerant on some days, sure. Am I ever supportive of it, nope. Find something nice to say or get a blog. That was my answer! Even the most frustrating of students will somehow give me some glimmer of hope. Even if it is just that I was able to shut their piss poor attitude down and now they know that their behavior will NEVER fly with me! It’s the little things folks.
Anyway, I was all set to have Noah drop me off before running the usual after treatment day errands, so that I could curl up under my soft blanket and nap until dinner.But today, somehow, I managed to step out of my little safe place. I had not seen one of my little buddies in quite a while and I missed her and her family. As soon as we pulled up I knew I had made the right choice. My heart was happy. She could tell I was tired so she was gentle. She didn’t bombard me with too much info or ask me 1000 questions although I know we have a lot of catching up to do. She hugged me and sat with me and leaned on me. She was calm and told me about her day with Eli and how excited she was about her weekend plans. It was so nice.
My heart was happy. It’s the only way I can think to describe it. To think I almost missed this moment of happy because I could not get past the hurt, makes me realize how sometimes we have to push through. And that the ones who are worth pushing though for will understand you and your needs. They will be gentle and kind. They will love you for who you are that day. They will love you for who you are everyday.