Some days I don’t get everything on my list crossed off but I get so close I can taste it! That feeling is so euphoric I can hardly stand it. I feel like I spend my life chasing down a marked off to do list.
Last night was filled with panic. Some of it was caused by actual issues that evoke panic. However, they are personified by those things that are not actual issues but the dark spaces that exist in the back of my head. If you had talked to me 2 years ago I would have told you that what I was feeling was in relation to my PNH. It’s not that I was lying. I truly thought it was. In some ways it is. But it is also it’s own problem. My anxiety, depression, and PNH are not mutually exclusive. I can have one without the others. And all three can flare at the same time. That’s when (for lack of a better term) shit really hits the fan.
Last night was hard. There were no things marked off, only more things added. I felt goals slipping away and no one to blame for my failure but myself. It’s a hard pill to swallow. It hurts. But I am trying to move on and up. There is A LOT of good closer than I realize. Lot’s of travel and lots of time with people that I admire and care about. I cannot wait to write about my upcoming adventures.
Thanks so much to those who keep reading. It means so much. A simple like, puts the biggest smile on my face. Just knowing I reached one person in the universe each day makes each day worth writing about.