Pain in the a…

area around my right breast. It is ridiculous. After last nights adventure to the ER we were armed with anger and the right information.  Someone had to be held accountable for the crippling pain I have been feeling in my chest.
But today seemed to be worse than last night. Still no answer from the pain clinic (absolutely NO surprise there!). But the BEST line came for the Radiology department who placed my port. They cut into my chest. Tunneled into my muscle tissue. Shoved a foreign object in me. Stretched my skin over the device. And, put a tube through my throat and connected it to my jugular. PLEASE keep in mind, I allowed all of these things to happen. But I allowed them to be done by professionals because I thought that I trusted them to take care of me past just the procedure on my chest.
This is honestly nothing short of abuse. I trusted the people. This was going to be hard and would hurt but that they would make this as easy as possible for me. I trusted them to take care of me. But that didn’t happen.
It started with my platelet transfusions. When the platelets where not going fast enough, instead of getting a pump, they grabbed a large syringe and just started to pull them from the bag and push them through the IV. I got the entire infusion in roughly 10 minuets. I was already beyond anxious, this did not help. I had asked for something for anxiety and I was totally disregarded. I would have been okay if someone would have said “We cannot give you anything yet.” Or anything along those lines.  But I am fairly sure when a patient says they are feeling very anxious the proper response is not “Okay.” I kind of felt like there should have been a “You have fun with that.” that could have followed. Finally I went back and I received medication and was out… for a while. At some point I woke up trying to breath but not to move. I had been partly conscience because I had clearly been crying in pain for a while. My cheeks were wet and the nurse was wiping them away. I felt the pain so much in and a tried to restrain so hard I felt blood vessels pop in my eyes and around my fingers where I grabbed the blanket. I heard voices but nothing audible. I was out again within seconds.
After it was all over I over heard a voice say “Next time they need to fully take you down to surgery to place your port. We never should have done that in this department.” I was not groggy enough to not be scared. I hurt even then. When I asked for something for pain, they said that was not something that Radiology could do. Then they send me home. They had done something they never should have done and then they were not willing to help make it better. They left me black and blue and assumed that I was someone else’s problem now.
They have beat me and left me for…well…for what ever happens. If this had happened anywhere other than a hospital, these doctors would be in jail. They assaulted me. It became assault when they refused to step up and help heal the wound they caused. Is that not part of the Hippocratic Oath? To save and make better a patient life? I’m not asking for a boob job. Just something to help me so I can hold my son before he turns one and starts to wonder why his mum won’t hold him no matter how high he reaches. Why she can wrestle with him on the floor. Why she cannot kiss on his neck and scoop him up and eat his tummy.

I want my life back.

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