I am lucky, I guess, that I am working on a unit in class right now that it very detailed and involved for the kids but I just have to be there to answer lot of questions. I am happy to do so because, for the most part, I have the answers. This is rare for me but I am teaching something I have been doing since I was in 8th grade so, I got this.
These past few days been I have been coming home between my morning class and my afternoon class and sleeping. I know every kid at university is going “Okay…and…” but for us “Big Kids”, once I’m up, I’m up. Someday’s if I am super short on spoons I will catch a cat nap but for the most part, I am on it. Adulting and the like.

**Side note, Adulting is not a “word”! I keep getting the little you can’t spell squiggle under it! What the what?!?!? Adulting is the most apt way to describe what us late 20’s/early 30’s try to do on a daily basis. Some are more successful than others. The ones who are really good earn the title Adult. I am not sure I will ever get that badge. I’m not sure I am sad about that fact. I think my mom might be.

Back to me hiding and napping and pretending the world isn’t really here. So today, I jumped out of bed. I was totally dressed. Shoes on. Phone in hand, Keys in pocket. But I was yelling yelling “Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! What time is it? I have to go! 9:30 I slept through my first class! Why didn’t anyone call. What in the hell! Noah looked at me and said “You went to work. You came back. You were going to take a nap.
You need to understand, I cannot sleep anywhere ever, You could give me a cloud of feathers and I could toss and turn. There is no perfect setting for me. I have it down to a small science but even it fails me 75% of the time. But today, I fell asleep, in bed, shoes on, keys in hand, phone in pocket, and fully clothed. I don’t remember walking in. I set my alarms, kicked off shoes and crawled in bed.

Right now, life hurts. I see a pain doctor on Friday. I doubt that is going to be a box to check when they ask you where your pain is. The port sight is the root of it all and I am hoping that once that is covered some of the emotional pain will follow suit. I have been taking Xanax like candy which just numbs me. I hate it. But it is the only thing that helps me not to drown in my own stupid self pity. I feel that even Noah is wearing thin. Normally there are others to help. He is alone.  I am a lot to handle “well”, sick is even worse. Mainly because I don’t want to be sick. Although I shouldn’t speak to that. I could just be a royal pain in the ass and he is too kind to say so.
We have been fighting. We do fight. But more than normal. Before you go asking “Who would pick a fight with a sick person?” You need to ask your self “What kind of deranged person would think they could win a fight of logic while on pain killers and anit-depressants?” and then you will realize why I have flowers and he has cookie dough in the refrigerator. (Because I will make them for him when I am not sick if I don’t eat all of it first.

Right now I feel the meds kicking in. I got new colored pencils in the mail. At least I hope they are for me. They said they are from me, but I don’t remember ordering them but that should be a side effect warning on the pain med bottle. May cause random Amazon Purchases make sure all items are returnable.  But off i go, into my cover cave to draw and pain.

But I am going to get some cookie dough first.


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