The last day?

Today is the day. I thought there would be dancing in the streets and way more excitement. But there isn’t. So many other things are going wrong that once again, my happy moment is being over shadowed.
And maybe it should be. Maybe your not supposed to be excited that something, no matter how bad it seems, if it was pleasing for some, should not make you happy.  Maybe I really am a horrible person.
I just wish someone would let me know before I keep going around acting like I matter. Today I
– Took a breath in
– Took  a breath out
– And I didn’t kill anyone. (You may not think this is big but watch the news. I am a winner at not killing people.)

So there it is, my list of positive for the day. Sorry…

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One castle down…

I did it!
I made it!
It’s done!
It is a done deal!
It is not mine anymore and I have never been happier to hand something over to a group of people. I know they can handle it because they have worked so hard for this moment. And the one thing I know for sure is that I helped them get to the place where they can carry their own show. That is my job. To collaborate and build something bigger than me and then hand it over to those who I know can carry it because we have worked together to make it.
And I did.
And now it’s time to build something new with a new group of people.

Let’s do this.

The yellow button

The lady who almost always checks me in at the Cancer Center checked me in today. She could tell I was not myself. I was pale and looked as if the life had been sucked out of me. My heart hurt. I keep trying to stay positive, not just here, but everywhere and it keeps getting harder and harder.
This lady is so amazing. She always has a yellow button that says “How can I pray for you today?” I love it. It is so unassuming. She is not trying to forcing anything on you she just wants to know what she can do to help you feel a little closer to her God. I find something very endearing about this.
Anyway, checking in today she was very concerned. I explained my situation and for the first time ever I heard her say something I never thought I would hear from her. She said, “That will not sit right with the Lord. It’s very simple. It’s karma. I don’t care what you believe, what goes around, comes around. ” I thought it was brilliant. And true. Then she offered to politely come with me to work and set anyone who felt the need to speak to me with a rude tone in their place. That was my favorite part. I explained that I only had one day left and I appreciated the offer but she assured me if I ever needed her, she would come whenever I needed to set anyone I needed straight since I was too polite to do so.
Once again, out of all this, positivity is still abound. It just maybe harder to see, but it is still there.

P.S.- one more day….ONE DAY MORE!

3 Years

When you’re little 3 years seems like forever. You never ask a 5 year old “Where do you see yourself in 3 years?” If they’re super smart they say “As an 8 year old.” But that’s only if you get one of the good ones.
When you are in your teens 3 years seems so far away. No 11th grader would date an 8th grader. That’s just gross. Lets be honest, most teenage relationships are gross.
When your an adult, you are almost forced to look into the future. People ask you questions about your future plans. You use words like “forever” and “always” and you are expected to mean them. That can put a lot of pressure on things. Being an adult is pressure enough with out using infinitive terms and being expected to never grow or change. What’s amazing is when you find someone who will grow and change with you. I am lucky. I have just that.
He never started out as part of my “3 year plan” or even my “5 year plan”. But that all went out the window before I met him. He helped me see there was still a way to get through it all. We would make our plan together. We really have taken everything life has thrown at us, good and bad, and made it part of our plan. I don’t know how, but I know I could never have done it alone.
Thank you Noah for being my partner for another year. Let’s do it again!

Teacher- 1, Self-doubt- 0

My job is not the most important job in the world. I believe the Arts truly make the world a better place and those who participate in art in some way, shape, or form are bound to be more well rounded human being. However, it is not every day that I see the work that I do actually make a difference. Today I did. 2 of my 4th graders, who I could barely get to speak at the start of the year not only came out of their shell but really showed potential in being performers. For once, I did not have to search for my work in effect. It was real. It was right there in front of me. It was pretty awesome.

Fairy Godmother

I have a Fairy Godmother. Actually, I have a few, but today one flew in to help me in this morning and then this evening as well. Not only was she able to help me get things done but she also was there for moral support. I don’t know what I did in this life to be given such amazing friends. I hope I can figure it out soon because I need to keep it up! Thank you Fairy Godmother, I love you dearly!

A+ Day

I want to keep tonight’s post short and sweet. Mostly because I am anxious to get to bed. Tomorrow is another big day. However, so was today. And today, although busy, was very productive. Which makes me very happy. I feel very accomplished. What makes this even better is that I feel accomplished because of things I did and the way I feel about them. I did not need anyone to boost me up or pat me on the back. Which helps somewhat alleviate my fear that I need someone to follow me around and tell me how great I am. Don’t get me wrong, that would be awesome! But only for a little while. After a while it becomes disingenuous. I would never know the truth. And that’s what made today awesome. I know the truth and I found it on my own. (If this was a musical there would be a song here. Just saying.)
Starting tomorrow I am expecting things to get rocky. Everyone at work and the volunteers have told me horror stories and I am very fearful going in. So my goal for next week is to get as much rest as possible and try to stay as positive as possible. Here is where you come in. My post will be very short for the next few days. In an effort to not delve into or commit to memory the bad things that may happen, I will only be posting one positive thing a night.
I am not sure if I have said this in a previous post but I will not be returning to the company I am working for after my contract is up. I think my reasons are more than clear. So I am doing my best to try to let go of what negativity they brought into my life. They are not worth it. Nothing is.
So this is where I stand tonight and where I will stand for the rest of the week. In a positive light.