Too good…

I did not make it even 24 hours. My day of happiness was too much for me. I have paid for it all day. What I thought was going to be a day I could handle, turned on me faster than I could have imagined. I let this person say things about me that were just straight up and down lies and after I finally got through defending myself and clearing my name, they basically said that they did not care. I have another meeting with said person and Satan tomorrow. At the same time. I might not make it.
I have told my self not to be their punching bag.
I have told my self that if they start asking “Why was this not taken care of before?” my answer is “I don’t know. But I am here to fix it now.”
If they want to continue down the path of how I have failed them in the past, I will refuse to discuss it. I am not going to delve into the past. The past is only important if you are looking to change the future. I don’t give a FLYING F*** about my future there!
I use to say that I stayed for the kids. Now, the kids are telling Satan that I am no good at my job too. Or at least that is what Satan says.
That got to me.
Satan won.
If the kids are really saying that then I don’t need to be doing this.

I still cannot decide if this is really just a load of crap or if I am just a thin skinned baby who cannot handle things. What’s worse is that this place, these people, have me questioning that.

But with every dark there is a light. I was in the parking lot, heading into rehearsal for another show when I spotted one of my favorite people. I really feel bad for him because wether he wants it or not, I adore him. He came over to hug me and I could not help it. I just started crying. I tried so hard to keep it in. But he is that friend that just always makes you feel safe, even without saying a word. A few tears fell down my face. He smiled and then told me he had to run. Like I said, he never asked for all this. But like all good friends, he came back, just to listen, to remind me to breath, to give me some light.
So many people stepped up to help me find light. I contacted ever resource I have. All had different answers but all were willing to help. Everyone of them reassured me that my endeavors were slightly insane, and when I told them this was not insanity of my own doing, it gave me comfort to know that I was not the only one who thought this entire thing was crazy.

Tomorrow I have to remember the light. Who knows, maybe tomorrows post will be that I have been let go.

Fingers crossed.

PS- For those wondering why I don’t just leave, I’m too chicken. That’s all that’s holding me back.
That and I REALLY REALLY love the other school I work with and if I lose one school, I lose both schools.


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