I lost a battle today for the first time in a long while. Not to say that I have not had my random spikes, some smaller than others, but I could handle them fairly quickly with either a nice deep breath or a small dose of my medication. I feel like these were easier to deal with because they were either situational predisposed panic attacks or unexpected panic attacks. Basically either I see it coming or I don’t but either way I know the right way to combat it.
But what happened today was they both got me at once. This does not happen very often but when it does, it is hard to stop it. Basically as I fight to go with the flow, taking control over myself because I am the one thing I can control, I realize how little control I have over what I can do in the situation and I start to panic again. It sounds like an Abbot and Costello routine. But it’s not. It’s my life. And when you are fighting back tears and trying to find air you struggle to find the joke too.
I won’t go into details of what happened or how quickly things spiraled out of control because there is no sense in reliving something that was difficult for me. Mainly because, it may not be difficult for you and this is not a competition. Or you will feel bad for me and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me either.
The ONLY reason I share is for those who are looking for someone like them. Someone who struggles in situations that others might not. If that is you, this post is for you.
I share for those of you who feel like you are alone in your struggles of anxiety that comes FROM NOWHERE and when you try to explain, finding words is damn near impossible. If that is you, than this post is for you.
I share for those who never let there anxiety keep them from doing what they love and fight through the situations with the help of friends, loved ones, medication, and totems that help make them stronger, get them further, and make them better. If that is you, than this post is for you.
Now, I have hot wings and a coloring book with my name on it. What are you going to do tonight?