Today was another day of celebration, big crowds, and lots of nerves.
Today’s nerves were different. Today’s required medication. Not to say that I did not enjoy myself. But I was being thrown into a situation where I knew maybe 4 people (I was wrong, I only new 2 1/2 counting Eli), a lot of beer, and none of it was mine. If I had known I could have medicated that way…well…I honestly don’t know which is better. But I do know which is faster. And which makes for a better day.
I was able to focus on the good and tune out the things that made me anxious or unsure. There were times I felt like I was back in college and I was just trying to fit in. Then other times I felt like I was back at square one and trying to impress the in laws again. Either way, it was exhausting. So when Eli needed a nap, I happily volunteered as tribute to lay with him. Nothing like a snuggle with someone who loves you for exactly who you are to make you realize that nothing else in the world matters. So from then on out it was smooth sailing. Literally. We had dinner, opened more presents, said goodbye to some folks and then we were off on the ship for sunset. It was perfection.
I am so lucky to have a son and a husband who see me. They see who I can be and who I was but they also see who I am in that moment and they love me just as much in that moment as in any other moment. I am theirs and they are mine. We are our own tiny family. With enough love to share with anyone who will share with us! But I still love my flower bud family.