I know I should feel bad for missing a day of writing.
And I do.
But more so physically than I do about not writing. But I do have some good things to say. One is that my friend has moved out of the ICU and is now doing much better. As happy as I am, I am trying hard not to beat my self up that I have not been there more. I am trying to tell myself that she knows that I am still dedicated to her and love her. That just because I am not there every day does not mean I love her any less. But it is hard when I see people who are there every day. Who have brought her things she need and things she wants to see. I feel like I have nothing to offer. I still have that helpless feeling I had even when she was in ICU. This is how I know I am truly being selfish.
Back to the good things though. I am going to go. I am tired and feel useless and it sucks. I know this does not seem like good. The good comes from the fact that I am going to go and watch stupid videos with my husband. He will read to me and we will watch episodes of a show until I fall asleep. It will be time together.
And that is good.