I feel blah tonight.
That is no excuse not to write so I will just write that. That I feel blah and that I can’t really tell you why other than it was just a blah day.
I woke up with what I think was food poisoning. If not I was drugged in my sleep by one of the animals because I was sick regardless. So I did not move until, well, until too late in the day for me to want to admit. I managed to stomach a pb and j but I still felt rough all through rehearsal. Now I am home and ate dinner and drank a beer (like I always do after rehearsal) but now I am thinking I am going to regret that decision because once again…blah and stomach hurting and… yeah…
All I can hope for is that it really is just some bug thing and that I am not in for an emotional wave as well. They have been high lately. I have been telling myself it has been justly and trying to refocus and center myself, apologize when I need to and try to take steps back to assess things as best I can. But I keep feeling that lump in my throat riding up. I keep feeling that pain in the back of my head. I keep hearing that voice (not a real one) but that something that says I am wrong and not worth it and don’t deserve to be treated …well…treated with respect.
But these are emotions I feel often. I know how to push them aside. I know they are lies. I know when to step back. I know how to stand up for myself and when to just let go. So I am hoping that right now, I just ate something I should not have. And am going to go to sleep and hope that tomorrow won’t be so blah.