…not a false alarm

I feel the need to add to that last post. It is not to say that I was wrong or that a nap helped. It is actually the opposite.
It is to say that I am still fighting. After 3 hours of being locked away, I crawled out to eat and now I have retreated back to light box (the computer) my book where I feel safe. I am not saying this for sympathy but to hit home the point that sometimes, a nap does not fix things. Sometimes we are not just “hangry”. Sometimes there is a anxiety inside that is not as easily shaken as it would be with others and that is what makes it a disorder. That we cannot just let it go. That we cannot just close our eyes and sleep knowing shit will work it self out. And sometimes even when we have those facts, it is not enough to calm us down.
If I could stop it, I would. If I could just take a deep breath and make it all go away I would. And breathing helps. But telling someone to breathe who’s foot is in a cast to just walk over there and get something. Yes, they can do it. But it hurts and they are not going to think very fondly of you for pointing out the obvious when you could have just stayed out of it or asked what you could do to help the matter. And sometimes the answer is nothing. Like this time. I am just going to have to wait it out. This wave will pass over me. I know it will. But I needed the world to know that it is real. That this was real.


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