Don’t Feel

Sometimes I get the feeling we are not supposed to feel any more. There are always some people who feel EVERYTHING way too much. And then there are teenagers with hormones that are out of control. Not to mention the hormones of a pregnant woman or those on their cycle. And God help the person who crosses the path of a hypersensitive, pregnant, teenager! Why do you think MTV made bank on “16 and Pregnant”?!?!
But then there are time where we are just not allowed to feel. You do something wrong and you pay the consequence. There is no emotion involved. But some times there is. Sometimes you did not really do something wrong. Or sometimes you are expected to pay your debts for all your wrongs at once.  And when shit hits the fan, you just have to stay cold and formulaic about it. Don’t let them see you crack.
I feel like I am not allowed to crack. I put out one fire, and 4 more pop up. And I can’t show weakness. Not to anyone. Don’t let them see you cry. Because if I get cynical or even bitter for one second I am just being “dramatic”. And what if I am. So I hold it in. I breathe, and take pills, and pick, and pull, and hope that no one notices.
It is not all the time. And that’s why I can write it here. Because I know it will pass. The fires will dull and burn out. I can write it here because no one here will tell. Because it is me, and the few readers who will leave only words of hope if anything at all.
I know, it will be okay.

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