Alone. In a good way.

*Noah as not proofed this yet so it may be a little sloppy. Sorry!*

Tonight is the stillest my house has been for as long as I can remember.

My mom is still at the beach, Noah is over at a friends house on a “man-date”, the dogs are still being boarded, and Eli is asleep.

The quiet is nice.

I have always had someone in my house. I have never lived alone. Even when I was living alone, I was too afraid to be alone so I spent a lot of time at friends houses or had people over to my house. Come to think of it, the thought of being alone scared me into making some shady decisions in my younger years. I think it is why I got married the first time. I did not want to be alone. However, now I am learning to cherish the moments of solitude. I recognize that I am not so much alone, but by myself. I still love my family and friends and hold them dear. I get a rush when my house is full of friendly faces. I love hearing people laughing loudly and multiple conversations existing at the same time. I take comfort in that.
But I am learning to take comfort in my alone time, the quiet time. Before, there was this anxiety that existed with being alone. It was like when I would go on vacation and come home more tired than I was when I left. It was my desire to not be alone. My inability to sit still. Now, I seek out the stillness. I enjoyed the beach and the time I spent doing nothing. To be honest, I did get anxious on the last day about not wasting it but, Noah reminded me that we did not need to DO something all the time. Sometimes the thing we should do is rest. And then I promptly went and took a nap. And much like my nap, my time alone is needed.
So now I am going to go enjoy the rest of my time alone. I may read. I may sleep. But whatever I do, I get to do it alone.

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