An open letter to my pain doctor:
WHAT THE FUCK! I know we agreed that we were going to try an aggressive route to end the nerve pain in my port area but Jesus Christ! I have grown up using capsaicin on sore muscles so I thought surely this would be okay. IT IS NOT! I come to you because I no longer want to be in pain! There has got to be some camera somewhere that you are watching me put chili peppers on the most sensitive part of my body and laughing maniacally you sadistic fart.
I cannot decide if it is finally subsiding or if the right half of my chest has just given up and fallen off. As it fades all I can think of is the fact that you have also given me other medication to help with the sudden onset of pain and if you knew that I was going to need it to get through this 3 TIMES A DAY FOR THE NEXT 4 WEEKS! I can’t even bring myself to do it to myself. I have to make Noah do it! I made him go wash his hands for fear he was going to touch something that he didn’t want to accidentally sear off.
In short, next visit, lets find either a faster aggressive route or a slow and painless one. K?
The client who you keep telling “that shouldn’t hurt anymore” but IT STILL DOES SO FIX IT!
PS – My heart still hurts. Today was better, but it brought forth it’s own struggles. New struggles. I see hurt all around me. People I know personally hurting and those I only know because of similar struggles.
But I am going to try not to focus on that. There is not one thing I can do. All I can do is try to put some sort of joy in the world. Be the joy that people remember, not the pain they will move past.