I have been bad about writing the past few days. I am sorry I fell behind. I feel like today’s shit-storm will make up for the fact that I have had no contact for the past few days because I could not make this shit up if I wanted to.
So this morning Noah’s alarm goes off at 7:45 and I jump up. I am confident that I should be somewhere and I am now running late. I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and frantically try to locate clothes. Still in my fog, I am trying to remember what I am dressing for. Finally I asked him why we had to be up so early. He then told me that he must have turned on his alarm from yesterday. Well, now my heart is racing because I am in such a panic that I was running late that I cannot seem to clam my self down. I tried to go back to sleep but every time I closed my eyes I would dream something awful and it would wake me up again. At one point Noah thought he heard Eli and got up. Only to find that it was my mother and she had fallen and was in an awful amount of pain. He rushed in and shouted at me and I lept out of bed. We called 911. The EMS workers could not have been nicer but it was still quite the ordeal.
I had a pain doctor appointment that I HAD to go to so mom told me once they got her in the ambulance and she was headed off to the hospital to go on to my appointment. Lucky it did not take long and I was able to meet her back at the hospital fairly quickly. I could not have timed it better because they had already taken her down to get x-rays and she had just returned. With in a half hour the doctor returned to tell her she had broken her knee. The x-rays showed it clear as day. She could not handle looking so it was a good thing I was there. They kept her on pain meds and she told me to head onto work so I did. Mid-way through the show she text me that they had moved her to the new hospital and that she is scheduled for surgery tomorrow.
After rehearsal- I called her and asked for details about what she needed and what I could do. She told me to call her when I was on my way out and that she might just decide to go to sleep if she could handle the pain. So, after picking up Eli from the sitter and getting him home and to sleep I call her to see how she is. They had her so drugged she could not make words. She asked me twice if I was letting her dog out. The smart ass in me wanted to say “No. Just our dog. We make Jenny watch as Gwen pees freely outside.” But I bit my tongue. I know it would have sounded like I was mad, and I am not. Just overwhelmed. Then I came home to find the stuffed Elmo that I had won for Eli at the beach chewed up all over the floor.
That was it.
I was broken.
I bust into tears at the sight of his mangled eyes and drool covered body.
The good news is…
I’m still trying to find the good news to be honest. I have people that love me. I am lucky; I know this. And at times like this they rally. But there is very little anyone can do. I am stuck. This is one of those times where prayers, well wishes, and crossed fingers really is the only answer. I hate when people say “Tomorrow is a new day.” Yes. Yes it is. But when you can see the rain ahead, you don’t look forward to driving through it. I know tomorrow is a new day. It’s going to be a long, shitty, stressful day. There is nothing I can do about it other than just drive through the storm and hope I don’t hydroplane.