This is not really new news but I feel like I am finally able to talk about it.
We all know I have quite a few health issues. PNH, Budd Chiari, Hemolytic Anemia, Thrombosis, Anemia, Depression, Anxiety, Dermatillomania, just to name a few. (By the way, spell check says that Hemolytic is not a word. Um…yes…yes it is. I could understand if it was a name or something but it’s not!) Now I get to add Psoriasis to the list. I am lucky, in a way. My psoriasis is not overly visible. I realize that is a minor thing but for those who suffer from low self-esteem, visible scaring or deformations can be hard. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic but in a society that is constantly pushing for a standard of beauty that is almost unlivable, any difference can be crippling.
Like I said, mine is not overly apparent. This is because it is located on my hands. The down side is, it hurts. They have told me not to wash my hands as much which seems SO contradictory. I am not allowed to use sanitizer because it dries out my hands more than they already are. On days like today, when I have been using my hands all day, they sometimes will start to bleed. It makes me sad when they get this bad. It makes it hard to do things like give Eli a bath and once I have put on the steroid cream, I can’t even help him. I also cannot change his dippers which sounds like it would be a good thing but it’s one thing to not want to it’s another to not be able to. It also makes it super hard to write and type. Like most everything, you don’t realize how much you rely on something until said thing is no longer as readily available.
So, that’s where I am today. Sitting here with bloody cracked hands. I am going to go smother my hands in lotion, wrap them in socks, and hope for a better day tomorrow as we continue the packing.