Today was hard. It was one of “those” days. The ones that you aren’t supposed to talk about or even really have. However, I have them and today was one of them. Noah let me take it and when the elephant had moved on, the fog had slightly lifted, and I came to, I was somewhat ready for the day. I was still groggy but I wasn’t sad that I was. I understood my situation and allowed myself to feel the way I felt. I think a large part of that came from a support group I found a few nights ago that is really helping me through things that I cannot post about for various reasons.
Anyway, it was later in the day so I only had a limited amount of time before I had to go to rehearsal but I wanted to spend that time doing something that made me feel productive and maybe made it so that the fog would be completely lifted. I could not find Noah or Eli until I heard them both upstairs. I told Noah that if he promised to stay up stairs that I promised to stay down. We both agreed and then I got busy wrapping presents!
Gift giving for me is truly selfish. I LOVE making people smile! It is the best thing ever! Every time Eli smiles when he sees me my heart lights up. When I walk out in the mornings after getting a shower and getting dressed and Noah smiles at me because he loves my sexy wet hair (that’s what he calls it not me) I get so excited it makes my toes wiggle. Even Gwens little dipstick tail wagging back and forth is like a happiness meter to me and the more it wags the bigger the smile. So yeah, I love Christmas.
Once Noah was allowed to come down stairs I handed him a wrapped package and told him that it had been left at the door. He had not looked at it and fussed at me for how many gifts I had gotten him saying there was no way I had stayed within the limit. Then I told him to look again. This gift was special. It was from Santa. Last year all three of us got 1 gift from Santa that we got to open on Christmas Eve. This year is the same. And so will every year until either there are no more Christmas Eve’s or no more us. I promise, I will either update this post or make a new post regarding our special gifts.
Yes, today was one of those days. But I have a feeling it was a passing day. As much as I hate that I even had part of a day, I still need to count my blessings and hope that it was only a day.
Tomorrow has so much hope.