Beautifully broken stories

I have joined a new forum to help me get through a new wave of weight that has been placed on my shoulders. Please hear me say, I am not complaining, just stating the facts. I know we are all dealt our cards and trust me, I am on plenty of medications to help handle them. I just thought this might be a new and good outlet to find others like me. And I have. It has been very uplifting at times. We share stories and help each other know that we are not alone. We hold each other up. We vent and break down and let others see that none of us have mastered this obstacle in our lives. Sometimes, that is exactly what you need to hear. However, it is particularly hard when someone has a break story. That’s what I call them. It is a moment where they feel broken and honestly, they have every right to. It is hard to comfort someone at moments like that. All you can do is listen. Or in this case, read.
So I try to just read and try not to post things that I would not want people to say to me. “Prayers going up.” and “Hang in there.” are just not helpful when you feel broken. Regardless, my heart really hurts for these people and I want them to know they are not alone in the dark. That I am in the dark too. And when you are ready to find the light, I will still be there. I will always be this person who is always partly broken who hangs out in the dark and in the light.
My heart really does go out to these people in these broken stories. So much so that today I was sitting in the lobby of the doctors office waiting for my mom to get an MRI and I was reading through others post and I couldn’t help but cry. Before I knew it I was a full blown fighting that hiccup crying feeling, sniffling, sobbing mess in this waiting room and then I noticed that all of these people are staring at me. I didn’t know how to say “my friend who I never met before is worried about her mother’s slipping health”. And then I realized how ridiculous that would sound anyway so then I started laughing. And that, friends, is how to make a waiting room full of people give you some space. Everyone was avoiding eye contact and no one wanted to sit next to me. On a day like today, where I was not feeling overly conversational, this was somewhat of a relief. I kind of chuckled to myself, as I left, at how something so sad could create such a beautifully odd and awkward situation which is perfect. Seeing that seems to be the only type of situation I know how to thrive in.

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