My elephant is here.
The darkness won’t leave.
I want to cry. There is no reason for sadness. I am in constant pain. I have done nothing but everyday activities. At least I have tried. I feel myself going through the motions but I don’t feel like I am there. It takes all the energy I have to talk and act normal. I cannot let it show. I won’t. I know people know but I won’t ever let anyone see how much it really effects me. I can’t. All the effects are not visible. The largest side effect of my depression is my desire to be in a dark room alone with either a computer, or a book, or a coloring book. I want to sleep and cry until I feel like I get it all out of my system. It is hard to feel motivated to do anything and then the guilt sets in that I have done nothing so on top of feeling depressed I now have the anxiety of all of the things I am falling behind on.
So here I am in the dark with the elephant on my chest.
P.S.- I’m sorry to write when I am like this. I just feel trapped and don’t know where else and what else to do other than the things listed above and write. I hope this will motivate me to get through the rest of the day.