It is time for me to tell this chapter of my story. It’s only mine to tell. I know there is true concern from others and I am exhausted of fighting the rumor mill; it is time for things to be let into the light.
August 28th I was admitted into the hospital for an unknown infection in my blood stream. The symptoms presented as crippling pain throughout my body, like it was gasping for air but was unable to get any, and a high grade fever.
The doctors were giving me high doses of general antibiotics but nothing was stopping the pain or the fever. After days of this, and the inability to pin point the exact location of the virus, the doctors were truly concerned for how much longer I was going to make it. I was lucky this time. 24 hours after hearing that they came back with a culture that had pinpointed the virus and now we could send a strong and more concentrated antibiotic in to fight the infection. Now the issue came in that the virus had once again latched itself onto my port.
For those who don’t know, I had issues with this in March of last year when a doctor got slice happy and decided to tear my port of 8 years out of my chest. Then some morons decided that it would be a good idea to place the new one right where the old one was despite the fact that the nerve endings had not finished healing. I am afraid I will now always have nerve damage thanks to those morons.
That history made me VERY leery of letting anyone near my port. And they were very understanding. I stood up for myself and what I knew I wanted and what I knew was right for my body. I am now on 9 extra days of I.V. antibiotics as well as a antibiotic that is constantly running through me. I get this “cool” machine that has a tube that hooks to my chest and everything. It has posed an added level of difficulty as I go into tech week of a show, but I will always find a way to make it work.
What no one seems to understand is something like this comes with MAJOR repercussions.
Peoples views will change. I realize I can’t control that. I can live a lie, push too hard, and end up gone faster than I am ready to be, lay in bed and watch my life go by, or I can try to balance the two. I am still learning how do the latter. If you have a manual, please pass it to me because my condition did not come with one.
I wish this story ended some happy way. In a way it does. I will be done with antibiotics soon and then back to life. A little damage to the body, some views slightly skewed, but it’s a ending that I will happily take.