I need a writer!

Thank you for making time for the theatrical arts today. I know it is the end of the school year and that can be a crazy time for every teacher!
I have to thank Darrel, Ms. Carter, Ms, Farlow, Ms. Howell, Ms. Jane, and Ms. Foster who have all been so supportive and welcoming as I have tried to find my way here.
Today you will be seeing 2 short shows. First up will be Troy, presented by my advanced theatre class. This class has worked so hard this semester not just to present the performance you will see here today, but you will also see their work in props and costume pieces in the lower schools production. In addition, this class also was selected to attend a live performance of Beauty and the Beast. Then asked to asses the production from an audience members point of view. They have been very busy!
After the performance of Troy, we will have a short, stand up, shake down, 120 second section of the show where we switch, swivel, and scuttle to show you a shiny new set for a show we call “The Stinky Cheese Man, and Other Fairy Silly Tales” brought to you by your very own 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders!
So sit back relax and enjoy our shows!

 

Good work

I can’t talk much tonight.

I did not sleep much last night and I have a lot of work to.

The good news is that the work I have, the stress I feel, is work and stress that I have put on myself. It is because I feel like I stand a chance to do something that makes a difference. I feel like the work I do matters. That feeling is amazing.

So for the next 2 days it will be pep-talks, mantras, and affirmations. That and lots of pictures of cute animals and funny YouTube videos.

Magic Mum

Eli turned 1!

Yep. My baby is 1. I have very mixed feelings about it. Part of me feels like he has been here forever and I struggle to remember life before him. And then someday I don’t get food on me or smacked in the face or the port and I remember the good old days.

But regardless, I love watching him grow and learn. Everyone keeps telling me, don’t rush it, you won’t get that time back. And I realize that. But I love going on those adventures with him. I love watching him find new things. And there will always be something new. Yes, it will get harder to find something new. And I know, there will be a time when I know nothing and he knows everything. And I am not in any hurry to get there. Right now I am still “Magic Mum” who can hug a boo boo all better and teach him how to crawl, cruise, and “flap flap”. But I love discovering and learning things just as much as he does. He is my connection to my continued education and I love it. My desire to stay magic makes me push myself to learn all I can so I can help him. Right now it’s small stuff. But it’s only going to get bigger. And I want to be armed and ready to the best of my ability.

So don’t worry  little 1 year old. Magic Mum is not going anywhere for quite a while!

For Hobbes

I am afraid I have lost a friend.

I know I should know if I have lost a friend or not but this friend is not like other friends.

Hobbes was the first pet I got after my divorce. In a way he kind of liberated me. He was my first roommate in my new apartment and for a while we were just that. Roommates. But we grew on each other. He was a rescue so I never knew how old he was but I knew he was not a kitten. However he still had his moments of kitten energy.
One night I was laying on my pull out sofa bed, in my one room basement flat, crying, wondering what I had done to my life, when a storm knocked out all the electricity. I was convinced my life had truly become one of the tragic short stories where somehow the woman dies because she has no more will to live. When out of no where this four legged animal goes leaping over my bed with a loud “MEOW”!  I had forgotten I even had a cat much less known that he was capable of leaping over sofa beds in a single bound! I have laughed so hard that the lady next door had to bang on the wall to tell me to shut up. From then on we had new respect for one another. He moved from place to place with me. Loved love, and more over loved Eli more than I have ever seen a cat love any baby.

This is why I am afraid that he has not just run away. I am afraid that he has gone to a better place. A cat carnival, if you will, where he can show off all day long and they will feed him Cheerios (one of his favorites) and pet him to his hearts content. I will always hold out hope you will come home. You will always be loved Hobblet, Hobbes Cat, CAT, El Tiggre, Hobbes.

Two Against One

I lost a battle today for the first time in a long while. Not to say that I have not had my random spikes, some smaller than others, but I could handle them fairly quickly with either a nice deep breath or a small dose of my medication. I feel like these were easier to deal with because they were either situational predisposed panic attacks or unexpected panic attacks. Basically either I see it coming or I don’t but either way I know the right way to combat it.
But what happened today was they both got me at once. This does not happen very often but when it does, it is hard to stop it. Basically as I fight to go with the flow, taking control over myself because I am the one thing I can control, I realize how little control I have over what I can do in the situation and I start to panic again. It sounds like an Abbot and Costello routine. But it’s not. It’s my life. And when you are fighting back tears and trying to find air you struggle to find the joke too.
I won’t go into details of what happened or how quickly things spiraled out of control because there is no sense in reliving something that was difficult for me. Mainly because, it may not be difficult for you and this is not a competition. Or you will feel bad for me and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me either.
The ONLY reason I share is for those who are looking for someone like them. Someone who struggles in situations that others might not. If that is you, this post is for you.
I share for those of you who feel like you are alone in your struggles of anxiety that comes FROM NOWHERE and when you try to explain, finding words is damn near impossible. If that is you, than this post is for you.
I share for those who never let there anxiety keep them from doing what they love and fight through the situations with the help of friends, loved ones, medication, and totems that help make them stronger, get them further, and make them better. If that is you, than this post is for you.

Now, I have hot wings and a coloring book with my name on it. What are you going to do tonight?

Words

If you had a nickle, I would give you a basket of tickles.
If you had a dime, I would give you all my time.
If you had a quarter, I would give you the sweetest water.
If you had fifty cents, that would pay your rent.

If you had one dollar.
One whole dollar.
Just one whole dollar.
I would give you the day, the night, and everything that followed.

The stars,
near and far
away places
in outer spaces
in between our worlds
colliding hearts
that love each other for ever.
Because that’s what they are here to do.
That’s what I’m here to do.

So truth be told
If you had nothing to hold, I’d still hold you tight.
Nothing else to say tonight.
I love you.

SCIENCE CENTER!

Today was the Science Center Day!

I have been looking forward to this day all week. Although I had a rough night last night I REFUSED to let it get the best of me today! We made a quick lunch at home (This will be important and I will post more in upcoming post.) And we were out the door.
Please understand, I am not a science girl. But this is my kind of science. It’s Animal Science. I think the grown up word is Zoology and Marine Biology but once again, not a science girl. There was a “Your Health” part of the Science Center and that was a big ‘ole no thank you for this girl. I promise my health is not covered in your video.
I really expected Eli to just chill and just kind of nap. WRONG! He was so excited the entire time. SO, here are pics of our “Home Grown Adventure” at the Greensboro Science Center.

So see the cute pic of the sleeping otter. There should be a saying that is “let sleeping otters” lie. Much like with the fish tank, there is a bubble where you can look into the otter habitat. After a bunch of kids had woken this sleeping otter he went to the door to be let in, much like a cat. Noah took Eli in the bubble to try to get close. At first the otter seemed just fine to have a child close to his playground despite the fact that he was ready for food and a nap. Eli was STOKED to see the otter and got more and more excited. PLEASE watch the otters face as pictures progress. You may have to zoom in, but I feel like the subtext is not hard. IMG_1675 (2)IMG_1676IMG_1677IMG_1678IMG_1679

Next it was off to the out door part of the center. This was where I went CRAZY!

So the otters were by far the highlight of my day. But my boys, they got some MAJOR tiger love! If you ever get to go to the Science Center, which I highly recommend, there is a Sr. Tiger there named AXL. He had been pacing and all though it was hot it was almost like he knew his job was to show off for those around him so he was strutting his stuff. However, my boys went inside to get some shade and see him at the window. And this happened…

If you did not know there was glass there you would think these guys were besties! UGH! it just warmed my heart! AXL loved him some Daulton boys.

I tried to post a video of Eli playing with Penguins but I am afraid that will have to be a Facebook/Instagram post. All in all – a GREAT DAY! One week left of work and then off on even more adventures!

I have also decided that I want this printed on a shirt for days when I have no spoons!
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Falling short

I’m sorry I have not been writing as consistently as I should. I know I am only down one day but this still means a lot to me. I have made it almost a half a year and have not missed a day and now here I am. Feeling weaker than I have in a while. I feel like I am constantly running on so few spoons and I am tired of constantly saying that! I am done with excuses and that seems to BE all I can come up with.
I am past the point of being sad and now on to just being angry!
Wednesday I went in to meet with my oncologist and much as I had suspected, my platelets had plummeted. We are talking almost 30 points in one week. Although they were not below my parameters yet, I was hoping that with such a drastic drop my doctor might take some pity on me and tell me that she would be willing to grant me a transfusion just so that I might could find a little more energy. Then she said something I have NEVER heard in all of my years of coming to the doctor “Your platelets have nothing to do with your energy level.”
I find this statement odd on many levels. 1. I KNOW someone has told me that these two things do correlate. Although possibly not directly, more so than hypothetically. 2. If these things do not correlate, how did I know that my platelets would be low based only on my lack of energy? That was my only clue. 3. (And the worst reason) There are SO MANY articles online that state that one does have to do with the other it seems hard to ignore. I know not everything on the internet is true, but somewhere someone has got an answer on line.
So I am asking you. Do you know of any correlation between Platelets and Energy Levels?

 

P.S- Tomorrow is a visit to the Science Center! I am so EXCITED!

Spork

I am afraid my spoons got the best of me today.

Even now I am working hard to muster up all the energy I can to eat crackers and ginger ale. However, tomorrow we are heading to Winston Salem so before I go to sleep I am going to see what kinda of adventures I can rustle up for tomorrow. Spoons allowing.

Till then, crackers, ale and a bed full of crumbs.