This Christmas they made these champagne bottles that are filled with chocolates. One of the chocolates that they have in them are Bounty bars that they really don’t have in the states. At least not in the South. So being the loving mother that I am, I got one for Eli for Christmas. And Eli, being the loving son that he is, has shared with everyone in the house. Now they are 50% off because they are out of season. Which begs the question, when do champagne bottle full of chocolate go out of season and why? I cannot think of a time when it would be inappropriate to bring someone a champagne bottle full of chocolate. If it is appropriate to bring champagne, then it is appropriate to bring a bottle full of chocolate. There is really no point to this post other than I am now going to go buy every champagne bottle of chocolate to either eat or give as gifts. Either way, this cannot go wrong.
Every Sunday in 2017, Noah and I would write down at least one thing that happened in the week that made us happy. We would fold it on a small piece of paper and put it in a mason jar. Sometimes it was hard to think of even one happy moment during the week. Sometimes it was hard not to write a novel. Regardless, each week we made ourselves find our happy; some moment, something, someone, some kind of happy in our lives. So here are my moments of Happy in no particular order.
- Playing with Noah and Eli in the Snow
- Swimming with the Boys at the YMCA
- Seeing that people are actually reading my blog
- 2 days off for “snow”
- Flirting with Noah on the Put-Put court
- The car ride home from Date Night
- Ashley’s Birthday
- Trivia Night
- Eli Swimming
- Flowers and Chocolate from Noah
- Zumba with Kellyn
- School canceled 🙂
- Watching Ghost Busters
- Knowing my contract is up May 29th
- Eli and Noah
- Helping a student find confidence
- MEETING JENNY LAWSON
- Fun road trip with family!
- Williamsburg, VA
- Pet Pig
- Eating fish and chips at a new restaurant
- Beauty and The Beast with Noah
- Noah bringing me flowers
- Chocolate Eggs
- Jack visiting
- Anything Goes rehearsals
- Noah and I working together to help Eli with his diaper rash
- Noah and Eli
- Noah and the Fair
- Easter with Lily, Ashley, Mom, Noah, and Eli
- Dying Eggs
- Cinderella Closed!
- 4 weeks left of GPA!
- Noah in Beauty and The Beast. Seeing him be so proud of his work made me so happy.
- Laura coming to visit as a surprise!
- Eli seeing his first production. (It was Beauty and The Beast with Noah as Gaston. How perfect!)
- Eli’s first Birthday
- My first Mother’s day (PERFECTION)
- Boxcar arcade
- Picnic lunch at Reynolda Gardens
- Science Center
- Closing of Anything Goes
- “Stinky Cheese Man” and “Troy” at HPFS went very well!
- Eli’s 1st Birthday party
- Day at the lake with Jack
- Trip to Tybee
- Eli’s 1st beach trip
- Diving in the ocean
- Lake house with Jack
- Graduation and job offer at HPFS
- Mt.s Trip
- Canoeing with Cole
- 1 night a werewolf
- Hair Cut
- Noah and Eli
- Knowing that Ashley knew I was there. Getting to talk to her.
- Date Night
- Sneaking pastries into Guardians of the Galaxy II
- Run of Picasso
- Ashley in front row closing night
- Beach week
- Jack’s Lake house
- Garden City Pier
- Making someones day by telling them they got a lead.
- Strawberry short cake
- New therapist
- “She Kills Monsters” was a great show.
- Had a GREAT opening night party
- Date Night
- Getting to put Eli to sleep
- Costumes for Halloween
- Noah got me dinner in bed
- HANG GLIDING!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Fish and Chips
- Delicious (Bakery)
- Brunch with Sarah R.
- “Violet” OPENED!
- K-pel and her happy self!
- Emily O. came to opening night!
- Date Night
- K-Pel Babysitting
- Murder on the Orient Express
- WE MOVED!
- The Waffle Party
- The Nutcracker at UNCSA with Sarah R.
- Finding the support group
- Cole, Jenn, Connor, and Legs coming to make the holidays a little brighter
I have five minutes to tell you how brilliant how brilliant this evening was. I have five minute to tell you how wonderful my husband is. How he took me out to a beautiful restaurant, with a live jazz band, and wonderful food, mood lighting, and the perfect amount of social interaction. I got to get all dressed up, which I love to do from time to time. It makes me feel like a better version of myself. A classy version that is just too difficult to maintain all the time. How classy people do it I will never know. But for tonight my intermittent classy self was on display with the most wonderful man to start a brand new year with.
Happy New Year to everyone! May this new year bring you much well deserved joy and peace.
This will more than likely be my last post of the year.
343 posts later and I am still here.
I feel like I should have something profound to say, but I don’t. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions so I cannot talk about that. My goals are always the same. Travel as much as possible, try new things, meet new people, read more books, try new foods, stay in touch with old friends, create new traditions, love harder, laugh louder, see the good, ignore the bad, shake off the small things, take time for me, pet my dogs, take time for my family, take time for my friends and, as always, stay healthy.
This blog was the closest thing to a resolution I have ever had and I really feel like it fell under the “try new things” category. But I want to keep it up. So much so that now I am thinking about taking a writing class, if I can afford it. Noah gave me guitar for Christmas (I feel like I may have said this already but still, amazing right?!?) so I want to take time to learn how to play. I also want to get back into cooking new things again. Maybe trying something new once a week or so. Regardless of what I attempt, I want to continue to blog. Maybe it won’t be as much but I love the routine of pushing myself to create something to put on a page. I want to continue to write more stories about my past. I want to write more about my journey with my medical conditions. I want to write about my love of the arts. I also want to write about adventures that sometimes happen when I least expect them. I want to write more about the love I am so lucky to have. I want to share my story. This is only the start.
343 down. 1 million to go.
I have joined a new forum to help me get through a new wave of weight that has been placed on my shoulders. Please hear me say, I am not complaining, just stating the facts. I know we are all dealt our cards and trust me, I am on plenty of medications to help handle them. I just thought this might be a new and good outlet to find others like me. And I have. It has been very uplifting at times. We share stories and help each other know that we are not alone. We hold each other up. We vent and break down and let others see that none of us have mastered this obstacle in our lives. Sometimes, that is exactly what you need to hear. However, it is particularly hard when someone has a break story. That’s what I call them. It is a moment where they feel broken and honestly, they have every right to. It is hard to comfort someone at moments like that. All you can do is listen. Or in this case, read.
So I try to just read and try not to post things that I would not want people to say to me. “Prayers going up.” and “Hang in there.” are just not helpful when you feel broken. Regardless, my heart really hurts for these people and I want them to know they are not alone in the dark. That I am in the dark too. And when you are ready to find the light, I will still be there. I will always be this person who is always partly broken who hangs out in the dark and in the light.
My heart really does go out to these people in these broken stories. So much so that today I was sitting in the lobby of the doctors office waiting for my mom to get an MRI and I was reading through others post and I couldn’t help but cry. Before I knew it I was a full blown fighting that hiccup crying feeling, sniffling, sobbing mess in this waiting room and then I noticed that all of these people are staring at me. I didn’t know how to say “my friend who I never met before is worried about her mother’s slipping health”. And then I realized how ridiculous that would sound anyway so then I started laughing. And that, friends, is how to make a waiting room full of people give you some space. Everyone was avoiding eye contact and no one wanted to sit next to me. On a day like today, where I was not feeling overly conversational, this was somewhat of a relief. I kind of chuckled to myself, as I left, at how something so sad could create such a beautifully odd and awkward situation which is perfect. Seeing that seems to be the only type of situation I know how to thrive in.
It is almost 4 am and I am still fighting nose bleeds and nausea. Noah has graciously given over the bed. I used to hate to ask him if I could have the bed to spread out in on days I felt sick so we started using the safe phrase “Panda Flop”. This way I don’t feel as bad about basically kicking him out of his own bed. Gwen on the other hand has not been as gracious about sharing. If it was not for her soft floppy ears that I take solace in by rubbing as I am fighting back a anxiety attack, her puppy butt would be on the floor. With every ticking second I can feel tomorrows to do list breathing down the back of my neck. I also cannot get out of my head all of the stupid things I did or said today and all the things I did not get done today. All of this is now keeping me awake.
It is this time of day when I wonder what I am doing with my life. I wonder if my life is worth living. Not like I want to die, I just wonder if I should try doing something different with my life. I see other people doing things sometimes and I wonder if I would be happy doing that thing. It’s not so much jealousy as it is curiosity. I wonder if I could change my life that drastically this late in the game. I know one of my friends would laugh if she heard me say that. In her mind, it is never too late. In her mind, I am still young. You always hear about people being prodigies. But what about those who master something late in life. They spend so much time doing one thing but then realize they want to try something else and it turns out that something was what they were truly meant to do. It is were their talent has always been they just never knew it until later in life.
I also love seeing other who try new things and build up to their success. Who do not necessarily come by things easily but they didn’t give up. I see that they worked at something for 5 years before they got people to see their talent. then they worked for another 4 before they were boosted to the top. So after almost 10 years of work, they get noticed. And still, they are just noticed. Even still there are times where their talents go unnoticed.
I wonder if I am really at my highest level of talent or is their something out there that I am better at.
I guess I worry I am not good enough at what I do so I hope that I will find some hidden talent.
These are the things I think about at 4AM. Noah is not awake to proof this and Gwen is not the best editor so this will have to do until tomorrow/later today. If anyone is reading this at the time it is posted, please go to sleep. Or at least try. You deserve sleep. We both do.
I almost made it. At least it is just a stomach bug and I am not in the hospital but I KNEW there was no way I was going to make it through the holidays without getting sick. This is where some of you are probably thinking it is because of my negative attitude that I got sick. But I am PROMISE you that it is not my negative attitude and more like my negative white blood cell count. I mean it’s not in the negatives, it’s just low. As is my platelet count so the constant nose bleeds are not helping me feel any better. It’s been a banner day of fighting off nose bleeds and hovering over the toilet. Part of me thinks it might just be all of the blood I have on my stomach that is making me sick. Who knows. Sorry if this is TMI but welcome to the blog. We are on day 363. You should know this about me by now. Okay, I’m gonna go because I feel something coming on. Lets cross fingers that rest and some ginger ale and crackers will fix this.