“Home is where the heart is.”
“Home is where you hang your hat.”
“Where thou art, that is home.”
There are so many quotes about home that it seems difficult to really put a pin in an actual location one would call home. I have always felt like a nomad ever since I learned what nomad meant. It was wonderful. I could finally put a meaning to the way I felt besides a voluntary wandering homeless person. I never felt so much homeless as I felt that I had many homes; my grandmothers home, my dance studio, the theatre, and other places where I felt safe. These places seemed to support me and provide me with the best possible foundation so that I could do what was best for me.
I think this is why I am feeling so homesick. Please forgive me if this sounds pretentious, but when Noah and I went to the UK on our honeymoon it was the best trip I have ever taken. It was the first time in a very long time I can remember going on a vacation and actually feeling like I was on a vacation. There was no pressure to get things done, no rat race, no scramble. I felt like I could breathe.
Part of me thought that it was all too good to be true. That surely I was just in newly wed bliss and I could not see all the hubbub because of the love cloud I was floating in. So, I went again. We saved up money and just went.
It happened again!
It was even better this time. When we rode in on the underground, my heart started racing like I was about to go see an old friend or family member I had not seen in a while. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I belong there. This time we went with no plans. One day I felt awful. So we spent the entire day in the room. We opened the curtains and just lay in bed and looked out the window while we ate pizza and drank Schweppes lemonade. (If you have a source here in the US you need to hook a girl up! The best I have found is $34 for a six pack on Amazon!) It didn’t matter. My life didn’t change. The trip was not ruined. London was still there the next day ready to embrace me with open arms instead of forcing me to look at all the opportunities I had missed. The life that I live there is happier and healthier.
I am currently being pushed. Pushed on to make a deadline that I will make, but others think I will not. I took a sick day and instead of understanding I was met with all the things I had not done. I just don’t feel like this place is ever a place I can call home.
Right now – I am a homesick nomad.
“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”