The Epic Life

Hello friends!

I have decided to start writing again, just under a different name. A lot has changed in my life so I felt the need to start anew. It will be similar to this blog just with more confidence. I hope. 

It’s titled “The Epic Life” because I had a professor tell me that it’s MY story. I decide if it’s one that is worth telling or one that floats by. It’s up to me to live the epic life. So now I am trying to live up to that. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be times of worry or doubt. My depression and anxiety are still part of my life and, much like PNH, always will be. But I will continue to find the strength in each situation my life throws at me. Even if that strength is just admitting things suck. No one tells you that admitting things suck or that something actually hurts is strength too. It took me way to long to figure that out. But I have found strength in other ways too. I can’t wait to continue to share what is my epic life.     

theepiclife.home.blog

My to do list for 2019

I am not one for resolutions. In the end there is always that level of disappointment that is somewhat inevitable when you stop to think about is really. This is why I enjoy creating a “to do list” for the New Year. This way if I don’t get archive everything I can look back and see what I DID accomplish.  So these are just some of the things on the to do list.:

• Attend a comic – con
• Get a raise
• Fill out my ___________ forms to help my family
• To produce theatrical art.
• Be kinder (To myself and others)
• Continue to be a supportive parent  who lets their child plash in puddles, play every instrument given to him. and who loves books.
• Finding even MORE interesting hobbies/life skills.
• Continue to work at a partnership with the most amazing man a person could ask for. If you don’t think a marriage takes work, you’re not doing it right.
• I want to travel to Denmark to scoop the country that I have high hopes of moving to somewhere in the next 5-10 years, if not sooner.
• I want to find a hidden talent.
• I want to find new things to cook and bake while still keeping the small amount of confidence that I have worked hard to achieve. (To be honest the signs of my body dysphoria are starting to rise again. Another blog, another day.)
• I want to continue to build the theatre program at school. Not just grow in numbers but grow in production value.
• I want to get in shape. Not be thin. I want to be in shape. I would like definition. Please and Thank you.
•  I want to continue to travel on mini trips with Eli.

And so much more. This is just all I can think of right now. I have been trying to write this for 5 days now because life has been so full it has taken so long. Good and bad, it’s been full. Like last year, I will continue to write. I like the outlet. I will try to post both good and bad and somewhere in between.

Happy new year.

…15 days late

To Do List

***This has not been proofed. It is also 1 am. I make no promises )

This year has had it’s ups and downs, as most measured links of time do. It’s always odd to me how we all decide to start thing on January 1st. These resolutions that we expect ourselves to live by slowly dwindle as the next year approaches. This means we start to feel guilty that we have not kept up our resolution, thus starting the new year on the wrong foot.
I don’t think the start of any time period should be met with guilt. How are you supposed to concur a task if you are only acting on guilt. You should act on things that you know will make your life more fulfilling. That’s why I created a To Do List quite a while ago. It started off being 30 thing to do before I’m 30. Only some of them happened. Some of them I just just stopped caring about. Some of them I wanted to hang on to and continue to make efforts to make those things happen.  It’s important to reassess them yearly if not sooner, to make sure that I still care about the things that are on the list. But for the most part, I find myself crossing things off and adding new things! It’s so exciting.
I also don’t think that everything must start on the 1st day of the new year. It’s a day like any other. I want to start watching what I eat again. I probably won’t start focusing on that until Friday because that is when I start back to school and my routine starts again making things just a little easier. I also have the desire to lift weights more. This is something I have not felt before. I don’t know why but I like the way my body feels after. I still want to travel. I still want to go to craft and antique shows. I want to soak in the amazing friendships I am so lucky to have. I am going to my first local Comicon (sp?)! Later in the year I would like to put Eli in dance classes. Do something that is not one the “To Do” list.  Some of these are things that already existed. Find something new to put on the “To Do”list.

All are of these are on the “To Do” list.

 

 

I may have received an A on my parenting test.

*Not proof read.*

I’m big on experiences vs material gift when it comes to all present related holidays. Yes, I consider Birthdays a Holiday! What kind of monster doesn’t? Not to say that material things don’t have value. I have a wedding ring and that most deferentially value! But it in addition to the monetary value it also serves as representation of the commitment Noah and I have made to each other. It has sentimental value beyond being a wedding ring (which I will share in another post at another time maybe, could be possibly not because I will forget or get off task like I have done now.) not to mention the beautiful day he proposed and the day we got married.
And that’s what I want for Eli. I want him to remember the time we spent together. It was something we were never supposed to get.

This year I was lucky enough to get to take him to see The Nutcracker at UNCSA which he sat through almost the entire thing! (Lost him a little around the Sugar Plum). He has loved playing with the Nutcrackers around the house to the extent that my mother got him a stuffed Nutcracker so that he can sleep with one because he kept trying to take the wood ones to bed. During the scene where the Nutcracker grows, the tree grows first with this big swell of music, the rats run around with another swell of music, and then out comes the life size Nutcracker. Out of sheer excitement and awe Eli yelled at the top of his little 2 year old lungs “THE NUTCRACKER!” I am confident that the entire theatre, the cast and the backstage crew heard him. I know that young man playing The Nutcracker/Schasa was THRILLED to have on that mask because I know he was falling out laughing! I would have been! It was a beautiful moment from an enthusiastic theatrical appreciator.  His love of this ballet dose not stop there.
The other day we were in the car and I was listening to the sound track. It got to the part in the music where Fritz breaks the Nutcracker. Eli, who has been silent listening the entire time says “UtOh! It’s broken.” He remembered!?!?! I looked in the backseat to see if something else had broken. Nope. He really was listening to the music and remembered that is when the Nutcracker broke!

For his other experience this Christmas, Noah and I took him to Build a Bear where he was able to pick the animal he wanted to make. He helped stuff is, kissed it, put his heart in, and named him by himself. Our newest “family member” is Buttons. He carried him around with more pride that he had made something happen than if he had just been given something. It was so amazing. It has been a few days and he still carries Buttons everywhere. He even had me make Button P.J.’s! I cut the top off of one of his old onesiey (sp?) and put it on him as he was getting on his P.J.’s. Yeah, it’s getting to be a little over kill. But I like watching him care for Buttons. He carries him around, he kisses him a lot, and when he drops him he always says he sorry. It really is beautiful to see your child show compassion. It is a reminder that your children reflect what you show them. Don’t neglect to show them compassion for yourself.  

It is rare I feel like I score as a parent. I’m going to call this one a win.

Who am I?

One day I will be able to tell the story I know, but right now I keep it close. Those who I feel the need to know, know it. The rest of the world can bugger off. As Mark Twain said “Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.” I don’t think he meant the truth in the sense of truth or lie but more so of who is worthy of hearing YOUR truth. It is not worth telling it to people who may find you false. It will only end in pain. Pain I thought would never end. But out of the ashes rises the phoenix.

Or at least a slightly awkward duck.

So here I am. A slightly awkward duck slowly but surely becoming less and less awkward by the day. I have been given a slightly different path and I am like a little kid again. I am back with the school I worked with last year. However, I am backed with TWICE as many kids and parents fighting for a drama program. I find myself getting more excited about projects than I have been in such a long time. Beyond that, there is such a level of support that comes not just from the higher-ups, but from my coworkers, the students I work with and their parents! This is not to say I do not mess up. I do! And with gusto! But there is my amazing support system telling me that it’s okay. They have my back. This is still something new and they want to see me succeed because when I do, so do their children.
I have also taken on a new hobby-tunity. It’s like a hobby and an opportunity combined. Long story SUPER short, I have started working a Craft, Antique, and Flee Market once a month to bring in a little extra cash. This allows me to go on more trips like the one I took to Baltimore.  With November being a scratch for a trip, December looking the same, January does not look promising because of school, I am hoping for a big trip in February. The Flees are fun. They are a chance to meet great new people be it other vendors or possible customers. I try to have a mix of stuff from my Grandmothers, so antique stuff, my own art, and then an artist I have commissioned. Last time it was my mother in law’s work. I think next time I am going to ask my right hand at the school who does ALL of my costumes for me (she is my Wonder Woman) if she would make a few cool things for me to sell. I call my self the Picky Picker. It came to me in one of my morphine moments when I was at the ER for PNH pain. It had to do with me picking people, places, and things to be around, visit, and to trade or refurbish for little to no money. It was like a challenge. I still love the concept, but I am not going to be able to keep up 2 blogs at once so now all of my Picky Picker action will be here as well.
All around, I can’t complain. I still hurt every now and again. For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I wrote one on duck feathers. Ducks have feathers that allow water to just roll right off their backs. I used to be so proud of my duck feathers. Sadly, I molted. But I am working hard to get them back. One at a time.

Good Morning Baltimore!

Yep!

This Tracy finally made her trip to the place where she was born! Not going to lie, it would have been nice to have come before I was in the show. This place is…well…it’s all over the map. You have heard the saying “The wrong side of the tracks.” The track is a damn zig zag which makes for tons of fun when you are pushing your 2 year old around down town in a city you don’t know.
It has been an adventure. I know the previous paragraph makes that sentence sound sarcastic, but it’s not. It has been a wonderful, wonderful adventure! I’m sad we are leaving tomorrow. We have one last quest here and that is to find the doughnut and then we are of to Portsmouth. We will spend most of the day there, and then make the trek home. Where we will then pack our bags again and head over to the lake to see Dad and then Sunday I am off to Asheville where I will be participating in my first arts and antiques show.
Good lord. Just reading that I am exhausted. All I can do is hope for the best and cross my fingers that my body doesn’t fail me. I know it could. I just have to hold out for the best.

On that note I am going to go crawl in bed with Eli, if he will let me. I love that little man so much. I hope he gets used to this travel thing. He won’t be coming with me on my November trip but who knows what December holds. Hopefully happiness and wellness.

How about wellness. Just wellness at this point would be greatly appreciated.

#gethappy Friends

Well the think pink life is over. Part of me is glad. This means I am done with the craziness that was me being sick. But I do miss the loving people who surrounded me and lifted me when I could have hit rock bottom. I met some amazing people doing Legally Blonde. Although the show was not some great work of art (It is REALLY hard to accomplish that with a musical movie), the people helped me remember that #gethappy is just as important. They may not know it, but they helped me find a part of my life that I had forgotten about. They helped me remember that I do have value and that I do matter. . Lord knows the production had it’s issues. But I NEVER felt belittled. Which was quite the opposite from what I had experienced recently.

All of that being said, I now feel I currently have 3 “projects” in the works, and I couldn’t be happier!

• I have started traveling again! On the 23rd Eli and I leave for Baltimore. We will be gone for 3 day! I am so excited! ROAD TRIP!
• I have started going through my grandmothers old things as well as stuff that I have found around the house that we need to get rid of that might have some value and am trying my hand at antique fairs. I have my first one next Sunday in Asheville. We will see how it goes.
• I am doing a pre-screening for SCTC to see if I qualify. If I do I get to go to the big auditions. It is not until November 10th but I feel like that is right around the corner! I am SUPER nervous! This means A LOT to me. I may not get a lot of job offers but I REALLY want to get passed on.

  So that’s where I stand right now. Head in the clouds and working hard to make sure that I get as many opportunities to #gethappy as I can.

Get your happy on

Today I had enough reason to #gethappy that I thought I was going to explode. I am now a free woman! No bag, no needles , no painful tape squares!

Also, Eliana Tate‘s birthday is tomorrow. So we decided to fill the dressing room with as many balloons as we could today so it would be a total surprise! SCORE!

PLUS IT WAS OPENING NIGHT! Legally Blonde The Musical presented by The Gallery Players, Inc had a rocking opening. If you don’t have your ticket, you better get one! This show is just straight up fun! Keep sporting #thinkpink mission! After all, pink is Elle’s signature color!

Keep Thinking Pink

WE OPEN ON THURSDAY! Who’s ready to get there Blonde on?!? #thinkpinkLegally Blonde The Musical presented by The Gallery Players, Inc

 

We open TOMORROW! Today’s #thinkpink comes from our friends at the Stoney Creek Pet Lodge! They are sending a shout out to our four legged cast members! *SNAPS*

A while ago I posted about how I was going to #gethappy. That at the end of every post would be a picture of something that would make someone’s day, even if it was just mine. Thanks to the AMZING cast of Legally Blonde The Musical presented by The Gallery Players, Inc and all the #thinkpink support, happiness is everywhere! This weekend we are going to blow you away with nonstop fun, energy, and entertainment! #thinkpink #gethappy #legallyblonde

Here we go…

I may have said too much

It is days like today I am so grateful for everyone that took the time to #thinkpink or just support me at all. Today was full of reminders of how limited I am sometimes. For the most part I am strong, confident, positive, and I just all out refuse to believe that this condition effects me. On a good day I forget that it does. However, I have been handed a swift kick in the ass recently and as much as I keep trying to act like it’s not there, it is. Days like today make it hard to forget. I just have to remember the good and forget the bad. Like all rough things, this too shall pass.

(Yes the shirt is pink! LOL)

Part of me is very concerned that all these post to Facebook maybe sharing too much. The support is wonderful but I may…I may have said things that make it seem like all I am doing searching for support. And I am in a way. But I am also doing this to support the production and explain why I am still connected to this bag that I SHOULD have been rid of a week ago.

#thinkpink was original for the production. So maybe I can turn it back around. Help people remember, help me remember, what this started of as!